I'm trying really hard not to barf a giant pile of new car information at my dad

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
08/29/2017 at 17:35 • Filed to: None

When I visited my parents this weekend, my dad mentioned his 2007 Saab 9-3 Aero convertible had developed some kind of clanking noise, and if it turned out to be a major repair he’d probably buy a new car. I did a bunch of research, then he told me his mechanic is replacing a sway bar endlink for $72.

My dad bought this car brand new, and it now has 130-something thousand miles on it. He’s spent a not-insignificant amount of money on repairs over the years. Oh, and it’s survived all this time, with the notoriously unreliable 2.8T V6.

My dad claims that he no longer cares about having a convertible, or anything sporty, and instead wants a 2-box body that gets good mpg on regular gas, has halfway decent handling, can tow a dinky 14-foot sailboat, is reliable, and is small enough to parallel park in downtown DC on a regular basis. He said his first choice is a Mazda CX-5, which is a fine enough option, I guess.

He also mentioned he was thinking about a VW Golf Alltrack, or some other wagon, but the Subaru Outback is too big, and he doesn’t want an Audi, BMW, Volvo, or anything else that runs on premium fuel, because even though he’s rich, he’s sick of paying extra for premium. He wants that sweet, sweet regular unleaded. I suggested the new Buick Regal in either hatchback or wagon form, then discovered both are bigger than the Outback, and I have no idea how much they might tow. Oh well.

While I generally am not a fan of the idea of replacing a lovely Swedish convertible with a boring crossover, I nonetheless directed my OCD toward finding some options for him. I pored over fuel economy ratings, towing capacities, exterior dimensions, Android Auto availability, you name it. I had a whole big email typed up to him, then he texted me about the problem with the 9-3 just being the sway bar link.

You’d think that would be the end of it but noooo, I kept refining that damn email and trying to pare it down to something more brief like, “since the Saab lives to fight another day, here’s some stuff to think about down the road.”

I can’t bring myself to send it, for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to encourage him to replace the Saab with a crossover and 2) My dad will react with some kind of snarky remark about how I shouldn’t have gone all OCD when he’s keeping the Saab.

But my OCD keeps poking me: “SHARE ALL OF THIS DATA WHICH I MADE YOU COLLECT. IT MUST BE SHARED WITH ITS INTENDED RECIPIENT.”

This post is nothing but a vain attempt at forcing myself to Not. Send. That. Damn. Email. But I’m still thinking about it. I must be stopped.

DISCUSSION (13)

WilliamsSW > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 17:45

Send it to Oppo instead! You’re probably right to not send it to your dad at this point. I know mine would be shaking his head in this situation - I tried way too hard to get him to get rid of his Durango for years. He nursed a 2001 Dodge for 15 years and 200k miles in IL/WI. Replaced more or less everything but the engine twice.

Textured Soy Protein > WilliamsSW
08/29/2017 at 17:48

I think this post should be enough to stop me from sending it. Nobody here cares that the maximum towing capacity of a Hyundai Santa Fe Sport 2.0T Ultimate is 3500 lbs.

WilliamsSW > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 17:55

Probably not, but I’ve certainly seen less useful things on here — :)

Future next gen S2000 owner > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 17:55

I’ll trade my 2007 9-3 2.0 for his Aero. Can tow a small boat. Gets good gas mileage, doesn’t require premium although it is recommened.

Only ~143K on it.

Do we have a deal?

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 18:26

Best suggestion to offer is that he keep the Saab. He will get pennies(relatively) for it and it’ll be a great contrast to whatever he gets.

Textured Soy Protein > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/29/2017 at 18:32

He’s had 2 cars for himself in the past but I’m fairly certain he doesn’t want to do that again. My parents split time between their 2 houses, one in the DC suburbs and the other on the Eastern shore of Maryland.

So he’d have to pick and choose which car to take back and forth at what time depending on whether or not he needs to tow/haul anything, meanwhile he never knows when my mom might buy some random piece of furniture at a thrift store in either location. Knowing him I doubt he’d want to constantly think about that.

I actually suggested he buy an old pickup or Jeep to keep at the shore but he didn’t like that idea.

Chariotoflove > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 18:45

Send it to us. We’ll snark back at you instead. Just kidding, we’ll pick and pull it apart and discuss it in detail with you, which will be fun instead of maddening, right? Right?

Also, stop slipping your cat thorazine.

Chariotoflove > WilliamsSW
08/29/2017 at 18:46

Great minds think alike.

DarrenMR > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 18:53

You can send that email to me if that helps you get your release.

Your boy, BJR > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 19:38

I know that feel. My dad wrecked his viggen before he left the country back in June (2016). Now he’s saying when he gets back in January he wants to buy another Viggen. He spent like $14k in repairs alone in the 5 years he had the last one, now he’s got 1.5 years of touring earnings, the production company covers his food, boarding, travel, and day to day expenses, he’s had like a total of a month off, so hot THAT much of his earnings are spent in the past year or so, yet instead of buying something new like (short list besides viggen) an A7, Mustang GT, Challenger T/A, 4 series, S60 Polestar, or even Turbo X or 2011 9-5 Aero, he wants another fucking viggen. Like out of all cars, why that???

(I relize this is a comma splice nightmare. Please bear with me.)

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Textured Soy Protein
08/29/2017 at 20:15

Watch him come home one day with a new Chevy Traverse... with the 2L turbo 4 cyl that the salesman told him will run just fine on regular unleaded...

Textured Soy Protein > Manwich - now Keto-Friendly
08/29/2017 at 21:02

I have more faith in his intelligence, and skepticism of car sales people, than that.

(Also his ability to determine that a Traverse is very much larger than a Subaru Outback.)

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Textured Soy Protein
08/30/2017 at 00:13

Ok... then he’ll come home one day with a Chevy Trax with the 1.4L turbo...